I don't know if that's a problem for anyone else, but sometimes I feel guilty for spending all day having fun with Arlo. So sometimes I sabotage my own fun. I try to edit photos while he is wanting to play. I try to answer e-mails when he wants to read.
This self sabotage allows me to say to myself, "At least I tried to work today. I can't get anything done with this kid!"
For some reason self sabotaging my fun with futile efforts to work while my child wants to play, gives me self assurance that I am doing my best to hold up my end of financially providing for my family. This is a false truth.
Meanwhile, Arlo's day is ruined.
So this week I tried something different. I surrendered to my situation. I put my happiness and Arlo's happiness first. Honestly, I did this because I became so miserable I needed some happiness in my life!
We went to dance class at Juxtaposition Studios, we had a play date with my favorite Mom friend, we went to the grand opening of our city's new library, and we visited Grandma's Kindergarten classroom! It was the best week I've had in a VERY long time.
I woke up singing, did the dishes, gave myself grace for not responding to e-mails as soon as I received them, and enjoyed snuggling and laughing with Arlo.
When Weston got home, that tinge of guilt snuck back up.
"How was your day today?"
"It was amazing! Arlo and I had so much fun while you were working all day!" - That's not what I really said, haha, but that's how I felt. I felt guilty for having fun with our baby all day while he was hard at work. How is that fair? I should stay home and try to work too.
But then Weston and I talked it through. I told him what I just told you and he said, "You might as well have fun with Arlo during the day since you can't get work done while he's around anyway."
Usually hearing "you can't get work done while he's around anyway" makes me feel bad, like it's my fault I can't send e-mail, edited photos, edit wedding videos, do laundry, wash dishes, and clean the house all while watching Arlo. But when I honestly think about it, it really is not possible.
It's ok that Arlo wants to play with me all the time!
This is such a small and beautiful part of his life right now. Soon I'll be crying in the car as I drop him off at school for his first day. Our days together at home will not be as frequent. So I need to embrace them while I can!
I don't know if other Mom's feel this way, but I wanted to share just incase someone else can relate. You are not alone! Don't be afraid to let yourself have guilt free fun.
I know next week might be different. I have a few major work deadlines coming up so I'll have to squeeze in as much work as possible and not play so much and that's ok. I'm starting to believe balance between work, play, family, housekeeping, dating, etc. is not possible in my situation. I just have to have a balance between my values as much as possible, not tasks.
At the end of the day, my life is so good. Alison from Awesome with Alison podcast has an episode on what to do to snap yourself out of a funk. One step, is to be grateful! I'm grateful for my gorgeous blond headed baby. I'm grateful for our home, my hard working fiance, and my amazing families who invite me back again and again to capture their life journey. My heart is so full!
So if you're in a funk, start by listing things you are grateful for. Then have unabashed fun! After I did this, I was in a much better, energetic mood and was able to get more work done during my free time in the end!
I'll probably read this again when I'm over working to remind myself to have fun. I hope it helps you too! You got this!
Enjoy the little moments today,